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Showing posts from August, 2007

Who will spend $35 to have a Medium McChicken meal? I did

I had to catch a plane for Hamilton from Melbourne, Essendon airport. I travelled by a taxi and reached the Essendon airport thinking that I will have my lunch and browse (wireless) internet for a while before catching my plane in 3 hours. But, Essendon airport looked like a ghost aerodrome. There was no one at sight and the only café at the airport was closed for Sunday (duh). I was hungry. I looked around and asked a passer-by if there is a café nearby. He said, 'Nope, you have to travel to the nearest suburb to find one'. Since I had enough time, I thought I would go by a Taxi and get something to eat. I called for a cab and it came in few minutes. 'Hey! You called for a cab?' asked the Chinese cab driver. I said, 'yes'. "Where do you want to go?" "To the nearest café. May be McDonalds or something." "Oh, I see you are hungry. After having lunch, where do you want to go?" "I want to come to this place (same airport) again.

Effective Tips for leading a Successful, Love-filled Married Life

1. ANNIVERSARIES Always celebrate! Whether it's the 1st or the 50th, each year together is a triumph. 2. APPRECIATION Let each other know how much you appreciate each other. You may already know but hearing it from each other is always better. 3. BEST FRIENDS Be best friends preferably before being boyfriend-girlfriend. Take time to know each other so the relationship will be a deep one. Tell each other about your crushes, dreams and problems. Make sure he/she is your best friend before getting engaged. The strong bond of friendship will help you both survive tough times. 4. BOND Make it a point to spend time together often but leave room for each other. Also spend time alone w/ each other, so that at the end of the day you could both share your experiences. This way, you stay interesting with your partner. 5. COMPLIMENTS Always compliment each other. This will prevent feelings of resentment & thinking that one is being taken for granted. 6. DATE Keep doings things that you bot

Hilarious: Actual Court Proceedings

These are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.   ATTORNEY:   Are you sexually active? WITNESS:     No, I just lie there. ________________________________________________________________ ATTORNEY:  What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS:     Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY:   This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS:     Yes. ATTORNEY:   And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS:      I forget. ATTORNEY:   You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY:  What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS:    He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY:  And why did that upset you? WITNESS:    My name is

Funny Two-line Conversations - Part 1

Judge: Why did you hit your husband with a chair?" Wife: "I couldn't lift the table." ****** "What did one ghost say to another?" " Do you believe in people ?" ****** My friend has a fine watch dog. At any suspicious noise he wakes the dog and the dog begins to bark. ****** They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak. ****** "Room Service? Can you send up a towel?" " Please wait someone else is using it ." ****** When I told the doctor about my loss of memory, he made me pay in advance. ****** "Where did you get those big eyes?" " They came with the face." ****** I went alone on our honeymoon. My wife had already seen Niagara Falls . ****** But the psychiatrist really helped me a lot. I would never answer the phone, because I was afraid. Now I answer it whether it rings or not. ****** It was love at first sight. Then I took a second look !! ****** "Look, guide, here

How to Win Arguments: 5 Tips for Dummies

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules: 1. Drink Liquor Suppose you're at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room. 2. Make things up Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove P

12 Healthy Juices and their Benefits

Carrot + Ginger + Apple - Boost and cleanse our system. Apple + Cucumber + Celery - Prevent cancer, reduce cholesterol, and improve stomach upset and headache. Tomato + Carrot + Apple - Improve skin complexion and bad breath. Bitter gourd + Apple + Milk - Avoid bad breath and reduce internal body heat. Orange + Ginger + Cucumber - Improve Skin texture and moisture and reduce body heat. Pineapple + Apple + Watermelon - To dispel excess salts, nourishes the bladder and kidney. Apple + Cucumber + Kiwi - To improve skin complexion. Pear & Banana - regulates sugar content. Carrot + Apple + Pear + Mango - Clear body heat, counteracts toxicity, decreased blood pressure and fight oxidization . Honeydew + Grape + Watermelon + Milk - Rich in vitamin C + Vitamin B2 that increase cell activity and strengthen body immunity. Papaya + Pineapple + Milk - Rich in vitamin C, E, Iron. Improve skin complexion and metabolism. Banana + Pineapple + Milk - Rich in vitamin with nutritious

Funny but Thought Provoking One-line Life lessons

Don't let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited until you try to sit in their pews. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisor's. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes come close. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* People are funny; they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the Masjid. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* Quit griping about your Masjid; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+* If the

Emotional Equation

When someone is doing something or about to do something, in a way I don't want it to be done - and i am not able to accept it - i become angry. When someone is doing something or about to do something, in a way I don't want it to be done - and i am able to accept it - i remain tolerant. When someone is having something or someone is able to produce the results which i am not able to produce - and I m not able to accept it - I become jealous. When someone is having something or someone is able to produce the results which i am not able to produce - and i am able to accept it - i get inspired. When i am encountering uncertainty or is about to encounter uncertainty, which i am not sure how i am going to handle - and i am not able to accept it - it causes fear in me. When i am encountering uncertainty or is about to encounter uncertainty, which i am not sure how i am going to handle - and i am able to accept it - i feel adventurous about it. When someone has done something that h

Joke: Mike's problem

Mike told his doctor he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what's wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied "You're just plain lazy." "Thank You." said Mike. "Now give me the medical term, so I can tell my wife !"

I feared until...

I feared being alone Until I learned to like Myself . *************** I feared failure Until I realized that I only Fail when I don't try . *************** I feared success Until I realized That I had to try In order to be happy With myself. *************** I feared people's opinions Until I learned that People would have opinions About me anyway. *************** I feared rejection Until I learned to Have faith in myself. *************** I feared pain Until I learned that it's necessary For growth. *************** I feared the truth Until I saw the Ugliness in lies. *************** I feared life Until I experienced Its beauty . *************** I feared death Until I realized that it's Not an end, but a beginning . *************** I feared my destiny, Until I realized that I had the power to change My life. *************** I feared hate Until I saw that it Was nothing more than Ignorance. *************** I feared love Until it touched my heart, Making the darkn

Do you have to laugh when your boss tells a joke?

The boss joined a group of his workers at the coffee urn and told a series of jokes he'd heard recently. Everybody laughed loudly. Everybody, that is except Mike. When he noticed that he was getting no reaction from Mike, the boss said, "What's the matter, Mike? No sense of humor?" "My sense of humor is fine," he said. "But I don't have to laugh. I'm quitting tomorrow."

A conversation with God

   Hello God, I called tonight     To talk a little while..     I need a friend who'll listen     To my anxiety and trial...     You see, I can't quite make it     Though a day just on my own...     I need your love to guide me,     So I'll never feel alone.     I want to ask you please to keep     My family safe and sound.     Come and fill their lives with confidence     For whatever fate they're bound.     Give me faith, dear God, to face     Each hour throughout the day,     And not to worry over things     I can't change in any way.     I thank you God, for being home     And listening to my call,     For giving me such good advice     When I stumble and fall.     Your number, God, is the only one     That answers every time.     I never get a busy signal,     Never had to pay a dime.     So thank you, God, for listening     To my troubles and my sorrow.     Good night, God, I love You, too,     And I'll call again tomorrow!

Heaven's Grocery Store

I was walking down life's highway a long time ago.  One day I saw a sign that read, "HEAVEN'S GROCERY STORE".  As I got a little closer, the door came open wide, And when I came to myself I was standing inside.  I saw a host of ANGELS. They were standing everywhere.  One handed me a basket and said, "My Child, shop with care". Everything a human needed was in that grocery store. And all you couldn't carry, you could come back the next day for more. First, I got some PATIENCE: LOVE was in the same row.  Further down was UNDERSTANDING: you need that everywhere you go.  I got a box or two of WISDOM, a bag or two of FAITH. I just couldn't miss the HOLY GHOST, for it was all over the place.  I stopped to get some STRENGTH, And COURAGE to help me run this race.  By then my basket was getting full, But I remembered I needed some GRACE.  I didn't forget SALVATION, for SALVATION was free, So I tried to get enough of that to save both you a

Grace: A touching story

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door.  Instead of a meal, he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked  hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?" "You don't owe me  anything," she replied.  "Mother has taught us never to accept pay  for a kindness."  He said, "Then I thank you from my heart."  As Howard Kelly left that house,  he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in  God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.   Year's later, that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where  they called in specialists to study her rare dis

Argument:Does God exist?

A man went to a barber shop to have his hair and his beard cut as always.   He started to have a good conversation with the barber who attended him.   They talked about so many things and various subjects.   Suddenly, they touched the subject of God.   The barber said: "Look man, I don't believe that God exists as you say so."   "Why do you say that?" - asked the client. Well, it's so easy, you just have   to go out in the street to realize that God does not exist.   Oh, tell me, if God existed, would there be so many sick people?   Would there be abandoned children?   If God existed, there would be no suffering nor pain. I can't   think of a God who permits all of these things."   The client stopped for a moment thinking but he didn't want to respond so   as to prevent an argument. The barber finished his job and the client went   out of the shop.   Just after he left the barber shop he saw a man in the street with a long hair

Chinese Story:Golden Rule

A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-li constantly. Days passed days and weeks passed weeks. Li-li and her mother-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-li had to bow to her mother-in -law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress. Finally, Li-li could not stand her mother-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it. Li-li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she